Joke Thread

[cabry]

A blonde wants to get rid of her husband's cat. So she puts the cat in her car, drives 10minutes, kicks the cat out and drives back. 10minutes later return the cat. "ok, that was probably a little too close", she puts the cat in her car again and drives 20mins. 20mins after the blonde comes home, the cat is there, too. "Allright, enough already!" she drives 60mins through a forest, over a bridge, turns left turns right again through a forest and finally kicks the cat out. 30mins later, the blonde phones her husband "is the cat home?" "yeah it's here" "get her to the phone, I lost my way"


edit: and another one

Oral exam in physics:
Professor: "You're sitting in a train that's 80km/h fast. It's hot. What do you do?"
Student: "I open the window"
Professor: "Allright, calculate the air resistance. Further calculate how much the train slows down"
The student has not the slightes idea and leaves the class room. The same thing happened to further 20 students. Finally, the last one arrives:
"I take off my jacket"
"But it's really hot"
"Then I take off my pullover"
"it's as hot as in a sauna"
"then I take off everything"
"There are two gays in your compartment"
"You know what professor, I do the test for the 3rd time, and even if the train was full with gays, the damn window stays closed!"

[^ [BHS]-Psycho]

A man finds a old brass lamp, he rubs it and a genie appears.
The genie says: I will grant you three wishes but your wife will get double what you wish for.
"Okey" says the man.
I want a Ferrari.

Poof he gets it and his wife gets two.

I want 10 billion dollars

Poof he gets 10 billion dollars and his wife gets 20 billion dollars

Finally the man says: "for my last wish for you kick and stab me half to death".



My button Is to help the best server to be better!!!

[^ Fake? Ralle]

what is black and smells like caramel ?

a diabetic after a house fire.


Whereby you can recognize your girl-friend is an alien?
If you beat her, the empire strikes back!



A father is in the bath with his 3-year-old son.
Child: ‘Daddy, why is my willy different from yours?’
Father: ‘Well son, for a start, yours isn’t erect.’

drinking non-alcoholic beer is like lickin' your sister,

tastes right but is wrong !

[^ WASTXR]

Fool people into thinking you've been to Madame Tussauds by having your photo taken with various celebrities.




My friends say that I'm gay because I don't like football.

What a bunch of idiots.

I'm gay because I like cock.




I tried that thing today at the petrol station where you try and stop the pump bang on what you want to pay, but let it go a fraction too late and it stopped on £20.03.
"Bollocks!" I shouted and walked into the shop to pay.
"Unlucky, mate," smiled the attendant, who'd seen what I'd done. "Don't worry about the extra."
"Cheers, mate," I said as I handed him my tenner and fucked off.





I'd like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought:

"Those bastards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."




Emma Watson has been quoted as saying she would go naked in a film if asked.

Emma, would you go naked in a film please?





I asked a few kids if they could push the back of my car to help get it started and they agreed.

Who needs sweets when you can use super glue?




If a guy with a Justin Bieber tour shirt is walking towards the jukebox with a $20 in his hand, hitting him with a bar stool is TOTALLY self defense




People are saying that calling assistant referees 'female lines-men' is offensive.

Agreed. I much prefer Flag-Slag anyway





I was texting this girl last night.

Me- ''Can't wait to see you later and cum all over your tots.''

Girl- ''Lol, predictive txt eh??!! XD xx''

Me- ''No x'






lol

[cabry]

Please pay attention you dont post any jokes twice or more times (the super glue joke )

[^ WASTXR]

lol soz my mistake lol i just love the Ctrl+C combo XD lol check out http://www.sickipedia.org/

ps not for the easily offended . . . .


oh and

Boys play COD, girls cook it. XD

[cabry]

A man stands nude in front of the mirror "2cm more and I'd be the king" his wife comes "2cm less and you'd be the queen"

[cabry]

Well we got that intelligent joke thread, but this one better fits here


A man is accuused of murder.

Judge "You are accused of killing your wife with a hammer"
Guy in the audience "You asshole"
Judge "Furthermore, you are accused of killing your daughter with a hammer"
Guy in the audience "You asshole"
Judge "I don't want people to be insulted in here. Where's your problem?"
Guy in the audience "I'm his neighbour for 15 years and everytime I wanted to borrow a hammer he said he had none!"